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Kiran

Memories of Michael

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by , January 22nd, 2015 at 05:02 PM (4937 Views)
Michael has been in my thoughts a lot this past couple of days (he is always there pretty much) but even more so of late.
While he meant something different to us all, I have felt his energy about my home. It is comforting and also sad. Comforting in that I know he is always with us, but sad that I cannot talk with him each day.
I have no major insights to write or share, just my own thoughts which I need to put down.

I got to visit with Michael three times over the past few years, and for that, I am truly thankful. He preferred that we didn't share this while he was here with us and I respected his wishes on that.

All I got to see of him here, his quirky sense of humour, his openness and loving heart and ways, all he shared here, is who he truly is.
I got to see his daily routines, waking up gasping for breath, often needing to use his nebuliser to get going in the morning. Trying to get him to eat some breakfast before he begun on his days medications. I would watch as he consumed several pills while making coffee for us both. His medications caused many side effects for him and this led to his asthma, his skin issues and his osteoporosis.
We would just get through the morning meds and cleaning up after ourselves and then the lunchtime round would start.
At this stage, he would start to come round and be more alert and his breathing easier.

After the lunchtime meds and lunch, we would sit and talk (as long as his home aides were not around). His daily invasion of privacy had become a source of annoyance for him. Some of them were lovely ladies, like Melissa, his last aide (who I didn't get to meet) while others made it very clear they had issues with either his AIDS or his lifestyle by their treatment of him (or lack of).
Usually mid afternoon, Michael would take a nap if he was able and so I would read, listen to music on my Ipod or clean up a little.
After he woke, we would organise dinner and by this stage, Michael would be wide awake and having some fun, sometimes at my expense but always in a loving and caring way.
We would sit and watch the weather out on the balcony of his apartment, sharing some stories until the wee hours and then the night time routine would begin.

When I started writing this, I didn't meant to share all this but things have come to mind and I am sharing them as they come up.
The biggest lesson Michael taught me, and I did tell him often, was that he bore all he endured with dignity, little complaints and amazing courage!
He showed me that no matter how bad I think things may get for me from time to time, or how petty things may be that people argue about, here was an amazing spirit who literally fought for his breath every single day!

I truly wish others could have met Michael. He is funny, outrageous, kind, gentle and extremely loving and non-judgemental about anything or anyone.
One thing his isolation did was to make him a little afraid of socialising with others and I feel so honoured and privileged that he allowed me the time and space to share with him as I did.

I love you Michael, our own brave Lionheart, always

Late edit: One thing I did want to share, is that Melissa, who I mentioned, agreed to take Psy. As Michael shared with us often his and Psy's stories, I wanted to share something further.
Michael asked Melissa to take Psy if anything happened to him which she has honoured.
While alive, and I experienced this first hand lollol, Psy was extremely protective of Michael, seeing him as her mate almost. While she and I got on famously, she would also have a little nip if she felt you were treading on her toes so to speak lol
Melissa has been keeping in touch with me, and has told me that while she was worried about Psy settling in with her (she has children and dogs), Psy is like a different bird now. She interacts with all the family and happily sits with them all when flying around Melissa's home.
I think Michael would be very happy
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Comments

  1. Anjou's Avatar
  2. Kiran's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Anjou
  3. soulphreemel's Avatar
    Thank You so very much Kiran...
  4. Kiran's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by soulphreemel
    Thank You so very much Kiran...
    I loved him deeply and was blessed to have him in my life. I am glad you enjoyed my sharing a few memories and I am sorry for your loss soulphreemel. The hardest thing to get used to for me, is not talking with him each day but I know he is always with me in my heart
  5. Jester Black's Avatar
    I got a phone call this morning informing me that a long time friend, a very close one, passed away this week from a massive heart attack. I was literally floored by the news. Joe and I had gone through hell together and came out better men for it.

    For some reason, Joe's sudden death made me think of Michael.

    I was aware that Michael had passed but decided it was best to remain silent. Something passed between Michael and I some time back and that caused me to withdraw from this site over time. It was obvious how much Michael was loved here, but I knew I wasn't going to get past that something, even though I had always liked Michael. The EMB left deep scars in me that were bound to manifest themselves here. So I faded away, in keeping with a promise I made to myself 4 years ago when I lay in a hospital emergency room clinging to a heartbeat of life. I walked away from it...completely.

    But, I was saddened by Michael's death all the same. I just kept it to myself. I keep a lot of things to myself these days.

    With that, my deepest condolences to all of you.

    Your love for Michael is beyond admirable.

    I wrote a tune some years back that just seems appropriate for a "dedication". One that was never released entitled "Heart of the Lion". When I get home (Im on the road, headed home tonight), I'm going to release it Michael's honor. My way of saying "what was said between us doesnt change our humanity." And although I would have rather done so while Michael was still with us, Im pretty sure Michael will hear it across the void. Thats just Michael.

    Jay
  6. Kiran's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Jester Black
    I got a phone call this morning informing me that a long time friend, a very close one, passed away this week from a massive heart attack. I was literally floored by the news. Joe and I had gone through hell together and came out better men for it.

    For some reason, Joe's sudden death made me think of Michael.

    I was aware that Michael had passed but decided it was best to remain silent. Something passed between Michael and I some time back and that caused me to withdraw from this site over time. It was obvious how much Michael was loved here, but I knew I wasn't going to get past that something, even though I had always liked Michael. The EMB left deep scars in me that were bound to manifest themselves here. So I faded away, in keeping with a promise I made to myself 4 years ago when I lay in a hospital emergency room clinging to a heartbeat of life. I walked away from it...completely.

    But, I was saddened by Michael's death all the same. I just kept it to myself. I keep a lot of things to myself these days.

    With that, my deepest condolences to all of you.

    Your love for Michael is beyond admirable.

    I wrote a tune some years back that just seems appropriate for a "dedication". One that was never released entitled "Heart of the Lion". When I get home (Im on the road, headed home tonight), I'm going to release it Michael's honor. My way of saying "what was said between us doesnt change our humanity." And although I would have rather done so while Michael was still with us, Im pretty sure Michael will hear it across the void. Thats just Michael.

    Jay
    Hello my friend and good to see you. Thank you for sharing as you did and yes, I am sure Michael will hear it And I hope your own health is doing better now Jay.
    Much love
  7. Jester Black's Avatar
    This took a bit longer than I wanted...first technical issues with the files and then a 10 day business trip to Toronto.

    But its done.

    Go here. I don't know if this will link, you may have to paste to your browser

    https://www.facebook.com/pages/Black-Ether/45852507952

    two basic textures, the first edgier than the later....the life...the awakening. enlightenment, and passing.......
  8. Kiran's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Jester Black
    This took a bit longer than I wanted...first technical issues with the files and then a 10 day business trip to Toronto.

    But its done.

    Go here. I don't know if this will link, you may have to paste to your browser

    https://www.facebook.com/pages/Black-Ether/45852507952

    two basic textures, the first edgier than the later....the life...the awakening. enlightenment, and passing.......
    What a wonderful thing to do Jay!!!!! My love and respect to you dear friend along with some tears and a full heart
  9. Anjou's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Jester Black
    Go here. I don't know if this will link, you may have to paste to your browser

    https://www.facebook.com/pages/Black-Ether/45852507952

    two basic textures, the first edgier than the later....the life...the awakening. enlightenment, and passing.......
    This is wonderful. Thank you for creating this and sharing it.